Sharpredpencil’s Weblog

So. I had a miscarriage. Some of you know this, some of you don’t. I wasn’t sure if I was going to blog about this, and I’m still not sure if I’ll do so more than this one time, but I feel it deserves a mention.

I had a D&C yesterday, and while I don’t feel awful physically, I feel crummy enough to feel sorry for myself. Plus, it’s a rainy day and I have *not* seen the sunshine that others report today. Plus, I have a cold with terrible sneezes that make my dog come running to see what’s the matter. And Big Things in Life that need to be taken care of and Forms To Be Completed and such. None of these things are huge, but put them together with our recent physical and emotional challenges and I’m overwhelmed. And sad. It’s Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day–The grown-up version.

Just when I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep until next year, I trudged out to the mailbox. I’m so glad I did, because in it I found a wonderful card from a dear friend. I find that these types of condolence cards are difficult to find and send; you never know how they’ll be received. But this one is perfect.  It talks about finding a fairy godmother with a magical wand and combat boots so she can kick the crap out of bad things. You know what? I like it. I’m still sad, and probably will be for a long time, but having the image of a fairy godmother with ass-kicking combat boots in my corner makes me feel just a little bit better.

Wow, so what I just wrote made me realize that I always have just that: God. Except I never imagine God as a fairy godmother with combat boots, but maybe I’ll start now.